


to be known

by merthurlin



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Because I couldn't cope with the fact that Tender STILL doesn't know presumably, Other, Post-Miracle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 11:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14670249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merthurlin/pseuds/merthurlin
Summary: Fourteen hasn't seen Tender since the Miracle. She turns up on their doorstep two months later.





	to be known

“Can I come in?”

Fourteen Fifteen could only blink slowly at the person standing in their doorway. They weren’t sure what time it was - studying law has left little place in their brain for anything else, dates and times included. They weren’t even sure they ate today, or even this week. They think they drank coffee earlier, but only because they kept nodding off and needed the energy.

Tender’s face on their doorstep was like a shock to their system.

Fourteen Fifteen has hardly seen Tender since the Miracle. To be fair, they’ve hardly seen _anyone_ since the Miracle - too busy with cleaning up Castlerose’s mess, getting their lawyer degree in order, getting as far away from the Fleet as possible. They haven’t seen Cascara, or Sho, or Signet since than either, but with Tender...

It wasn’t like they avoided her, but. But.

They were absolutely avoiding her.

“Fourteen?”

Fourteen started. “Ah, yes, yes, of course! Come in. I’m afraid the place is a little bit… messy, I didn’t know I would be getting guests.”

With a huff, Tender entered the room. “I thought of calling ahead, but I didn’t want you to get a headstart.”

Fourteen flushed, and they were glad they were facing Tender’s back. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“So you haven’t been ducking my calls for the last two months?” she asked rhetorically. “Never mind that, when was the last time you cleaned this place?”

Fourteen gave the room a quick glance, though they already knew what they would find. Discarded clothes and dishes littered whatever space they could find that wasn’t already taken over by papers and pads. There was a distinct smell in the air of a room that hasn’t been aired for awhile, and they weren’t sure when they took their last shower, so they were probably not helping the situation either.

“I’ve been busy,” they defended themself, moving to free up some space on the couch for their guest. “Getting a lawyer license is pretty time consuming.”

Tender hummed non-committedly before taking a place on the now empty couch. “Is that also going to be your excuse for avoiding me?”

Fourteen busied themself with clearing the table. “I’m sure I have no idea what you mean.”

She snorted. “Right. So about those calls…?”

“I haven’t received any calls,” they said, and it wasn’t even a lie, even if it was because they got rid of their communicator the second they got on this planet.

“And the reason you haven’t tried to call me…?”

“I really was busy.” Running out of things to clean (or at least ones that wouldn’t necessitate a whole lot of bleach and other cleaning supplies), they turned back to face their guest, who was leveling them with a truly unimpressed stare. “Really, Tender. Studying for the bar exam has been really crazy.”

She sighed, uncrossing her arms. “Why are you even studying to become a lawyer anyway? What happened to being an assassin?”

Since speaking about their career as an assassin is really on the bottom of the list of “things Fourteen wanted to discuss with Tender,” they clearly needed to change the subject here.

“Law is actually very fascinating, you know,” they said, lying through their teeth. “And I figured it could be very useful with whatever I choose to do in the future.”

“Which isn’t assassinating,” Tender gave them a shrewd look. Damn it.

“Probably not,” they admitted, moving to sit on the chair opposite the couch.

She just looked at them, for a moment. “Fourteen, _I know_.”

“Know what?”

“That you were contacted to kill me.”

Fourteen could swear even sound itself stopped in the room in that moment. “Wh- What?”

Tender rolled her eyes. “Honestly, I’m the right hand of the Cadent now, somehow. You think I wouldn’t have access to some really classified information, including all contracts of the now defunct Castlerose agency?”

Fourteen could only stare at her, still speechless. Two months of fighting with themself over whether they should tell her, two months of guilt and shame and anger, and she just… knew? All this time?

“How… how long did you know?” They managed to croak out of their now hoarse throat after a few seconds.

“About a month, now. It took some time for everything to settle down after the Miracle, and there was all this paperwork - and you know how much I hate paperwork.” Her ears twitched in distaste, and Fourteen was hit with a wave of fondness. They forgot that was one of her tells, that even if she was perfectly cordial with her mannerism, her ears would always give her away, to those who know.

They were once someone who knew. They weren’t sure they should still have that privilege.

“A month,” they echoed, faintly. A whole month where Tender knew they were supposed to kill her on behalf of her ex-girlfriend, a whole month where Fourteen wasn’t there to - to try and explain -

Once again she seemed to read their mind, and Fourteen had to remind themself that Tender wasn’t the only one with tells. She used to know them once, too. “You can’t possibly think I would blame you for this.”

“Tender, I was supposed to _kill_ you,” they said, the words leaving a bitter taste on their tongue.

She shrugged. “You didn’t.”

“Only because I didn’t remember!”

“You wouldn’t have even if you did remember.” Her tone was steel, absolute. She really thought -

“How can you even know that?” they asked, desperate for whatever insight she had that gave her this belief, desperate to know that maybe, maybe they really wouldn’t have killed one of the only - one of the only -

A lifetime and several bodies ago Fourteen saw Tender for the first time and knew they must stay close to her. They couldn’t remember why, then, only knew she must be protected. There was something special about her, and it wasn’t her powers - or rather, it wasn’t just her powers. It was the way she got people to _relax_ around her, an aura of calm acceptance even Signet couldn’t replicate. With Signet you always wanted to feel deserving of her acceptance - with Tender you never had to try.

Before Sho Fourteen never really felt doubt about their chosen career. There were bad contracts and there were good contracts, but that was all it was at the end of the day - a job. As they joined the Beloved Dust, as they got to help people instead of murdering them, they felt a change they couldn’t attribute just to jumping bodies. A desire to be better, do better. Part of it was Signet’s presence, even Cascara’s, and it was exhausting, suddenly having to justify your every move and action. They never felt that, with Tender.

“What can I say, I’m just that charming,” she grinned at them. “I would have had you questioning your contract within a week of knowing me.”

By the divines, Fourteen wanted to believe her. Wanted to believe that in an alternative world they wouldn’t have killed this woman, who made physical constructs with her mind and friends with the enemy.

“You can’t know that, though,” they muttered weakly.

“Sure I can, I have mystic powers, you know.” After a second, she added, more gently, “Besides, I know _you_ , Fourteen. In every body, with any memories, I _know you_. You wouldn’t have.”

To be known was a scary thought. To be known so deeply, so completely, was _terrifying_ , in a way not even losing their closest memories was. They suddenly felt so very exposed, sitting there in their messy apartment, in the same clothes they’ve been wearing for a week, the past stretching between them and Tender like a physical thing. And maybe it was, with Tender’s power - maybe she was manifesting every decision that brought them together, every moment of intimacy and learning. They could almost see flashes of their various missions together, of their first meeting, of the times they got drunk together and the times they fought together and healed together.

Did it really matter, if in another world they would have killed her? She was alive, here. They were alive, here. She was half a system away and yet she came here to seek them out, after learning they were to be the gun wielded by Open Metal to bring her down, and yet _she came_.

“You know, you really do think too much.” And when did she come to stand beside them? “You would make an excellent lawyer.”

In her kiss, they found benediction.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter @merthurlin


End file.
